Faerie Speak: It's hard being the anti-Christ of the library system.
What you say:
I’m sorry, that book is checked out until March, but you can place a hold request on it and be the next in line to check it out.
What they must hear:
HAIL SATAN!
What you say:
Unfortunately, I won’t be able to check these books out to you; there’s a block on your library account for overdue fines. You can fill out an appeal if you feel there’s been a mistake, or you can pay the fine now. I can hold these for you until you’re ready.
What they must hear:
I will kill all of your puppies. All of them.
What you say:
Hi, can I help you with anything?
What they must hear:
Feel free to treat me like the scum I clearly am! For I am a lowly worm beneath you, not even lucky enough to lick your shoe.
People. For the love of cute, adorable animals, y’all have got to stop.
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